It made things very clear. I was sad, but there was no mistaking his signals. In the long run, that was the best thing he could have done for me, even though at the time, I felt rejected. Do you WANT to meet with your ex and potentially see where it goes? If yes… then go casually meet with your ex and enjoy his company.
If you say yes to meeting him, he still has hope and that is much crueler than if you just said no and left him alone. If this goes really well, you have the rest of your lives to discuss the breakup. Prepare yourself for it to be awkward and a little uncomfortable, but try to have fun and keep it chatty and light.
If the conversation stalls, ask him about things like hobbies, friends and shared interests. Stay away from any topics that you have EVER argued about or you know are a sore spot. Along the same lines with keeping it light, try not to start crying for any reason. I would rather that you avoid meeting your ex until you feel calmer than if you go to the date and start crying. If you feel tears coming on because you get unexpectedly emotional, excuse yourself and go to the bathroom.
In that case, excuse yourself and leave. And then there was Stella, a Brooklyner who became both roommates and best friends with an ex. One-on-one time followed easily, especially after both happened to move to the same neighborhood and realized their new apartments were in walking distance.
By the time tricky roommate situations cropped up for each of them, it had been almost two years since their breakup—and moving in together seemed like a logical solution between friends. For most people though, good ex experiences fall somewhere in the middle, in the form of past partners who DM you congrats when they hear your podcast debut, say happy birthday, or recommend you for a job opportunity.
In other words, the ideal ex strikes the balance between being present , but not active , in your life. That said, not everyone can be a good ex. Any past relationship that involved abusive behavior, dishonesty, or ghosting in lieu of a real breakup is automatically disqualified, because the common thread in all good ex stories is mutual respect.
When I first wanted to move to New York, I told him about how freaked-out I felt, and he gently reminded me that change always did that to me. Having someone like him, who knows my specific history and insecurities, is comforting and uniquely helpful. We almost never fought and the break up really came as a shock to me since she never brought anything up before this. At the time we were temporarily living together, which made things harder. I moved out immediately but we saw each other twice within the first month of the breakup to exchange items.
During the first month I was a mess and sent the occasional drunk text telling her I miss her and want to get back together. Shat made it worse is the vacation we planned together was during the time. Something I looked forward to for months. During the exchange we talked for about 2 hours both times. We both aired things out and fought a lot during those two meet ups. Some things I agreed with and some not. Looking back at it, I was too emotional and was pretty much begging for us to get back together.
Small talk nothing big. Then about a week ago she asked if I want to get coffee or brunch something I suggested 2 months ago when I saw her but never brought back up. Over the no contact period I tried to work and focus on myself. I achieved some goals I set and am still working on others. I did go on a few dates during the period but realized I wasn't ready for another relationship.
I have thought about her less and less but admit I still have feelings for her. After a friendly back and forth I agreed to get brunch. Let her see your confidence, and don't be attached to any outcomes.
It's just brunch, and perhaps nothing will come of it, but something could. Avoid any fighting and don't spend any time in deeply emotional territory blaming, I want you back, etc. Just make it a meeting between a guy and a girl, a positive interaction. Let her take the lead in the conversation and if you find an opportunity, tell her without bragging how much healing and growth you've experienced in recent months. Don't apologize for your past mistakes -- instead, thank her for the good things you experienced while you were together.
Tell her the good you see in her, and let her know you're willing to keep the lines of communication open. I recently saw an ex for a coffee, 2 months after the breakup. We saw each other a few weeks after we broke up and it ended in my trying to get her back and failing - then went no contact for a while to focus on healing. By the time we met for coffee I was doing better and knew I could see her without bringing old things up.
My advice is to not reference the breakup at all and just enjoy each other's company and catch up - you want to go back to enjoying life, and enjoying hanging out again whether its together or not. Don't contrive to come across a certain way or to impress them etc, just talk about what you've been up to. It's good to re-initiate contact. My coffee went really well and we got along great, she even sent me a text later that day.
We didn't contact over Christmas, and I think she's trying to disengage a bit. If it goes well, don't expect that means anything has really changed, and just keep on focusing on yourself. Thanks for the advice. I'm definitely a little nervous which is to be expected. If this were to have take place months ago I don't think I would have handled it well. But I'm in a much better place now. Honestly, I feel that going on dates can only confuse you more..
Or was it, you were 'feeling lonely', etc, and wanted casual sex? If there were issue's for your BU I'm not sure how far along any improvement has come..
And, knowing you still have feelings for her What are your goals with this? Relationship postmortem? Try to keep it civil and avoid fights rehashing etc.
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