So we check to find out. This makes it seemingly impossible to have a productive face-to-face conversation. A wandering mind is far more difficult to fix than clicking a button on your phone. These successful people also practice meditation:. Action Step: Practice meditation for 10 minutes a day.
Download Headspace, an iPhone and Android app that guides you through the basics of meditation, in 10 minutes per day. I've tried plenty of other applications and methods, but I've found nothing better than Headspace to learn the basics and get started. All in just 10 minutes per day. Plus, it's free. Why do dogs make us feel this way? Why are they so lovable? Remember how likable people are humble? They want to hear their story. Ever been to a restaurant and someone is extremely courteous to you, but is impolite to the waitress or waiter?
Then see how they treat the server. Hat tip to Jeff Haden for this incredible bit of advice. Guess what the favorite topic of conversation is for a social narcissist? They want to talk about their stories.
Their problems. Their successes. Their complaints. Their family. Their friends. Instead of rambling about how amazing or terrible their lives are, likable people ask questions. Not surface-level, small talk questions such as where are you from? Or what do you do? Or how about that weather today? But they dive deep, asking open ended questions, uncovering the emotions and motivations of people.
They ask questions that will make the other person feel good — or ask themselves questions. They ask open-ended questions. They ask why. They show genuine interest. Action Step: Ask open-ended questions. Getting stuck in a conversation? Or it feels like a dead end? Try asking open ended questions. As soon as you learn a little about someone, ask:.
How did you do it? Why did you do it? What did you struggle with most? What was the most valuable lesson you learned from that? According to Adam Grant, the youngest-tenured and highest-rated professor at Wharton School of Business, there are three types of people :. The Taker. The Matcher. The Giver. The Taker is an egoist. They tend to get more than they give.
They believe the world is a competitive, dog-eat-dog world. As a result, they put their needs before everyone else. The Matcher is someone who seeks balance between giving and taking. They seek fairness and equality. They believe in even exchanges and trading favors. The Giver is altruistic.
By giving and giving and giving … you also increase your chances of receiving value in return:. He even boasts an inspiring Zig Ziglar quote on his Twitter homepage:. Action Step: Be honest with yourself Ask yourself the following:.
If you answered yes, you may be a Taker or a Matcher. If you answered no, you may be a Giver. Honestly consider the power of giving without expectations. You'll be surprised how far it will take you. When a likable person is praised for their work, they typically have a response like this:.
Thank you so much! I played only one small role in hitting this goal. Jen, Sam, Mike, and Kelsey … you were all crucial to making this happen. In other words, they give credit where credit is due. This word association led me to this question: Can someone be charismatic to me, but not to you? I thought about the Beatles. When they arrived in the US in , the Beatles were high on the charisma chart for girls, but low for parents.
The Beatles were mesmerizing to girls, but not so appealing to parents. Why are some people charismatic and others are not? Are we born charismatic or do we cultivate it? And once you have it, can you lose it? To dig deeper into the mysteries about charismatic people and to find answers to my questions, I went to Joyce Newman, President of the Newman Group.
Joyce leads high level media, speaker and executive presence sessions for top executives, celebrity spokespersons, athletes and authors. Joyce helps people find their personal style and tune into and turn on their charisma. Joyce shares her insights on charisma and how to be a charismatic person:. Everyone can be charismatic.
We are not born charismatic - we cultivate it in many ways. One way is by observing and learning from people who you think are charismatic. Bad news is that once you have your charismatic status, you can lose it.
Just look at Mel Gibson and Lindsay Lohan. Hold your own. Think Sheryl Sandberg — she holds her own in a male dominated geeky world and is still feminine. You'll notice that many of the items on this list have to do with paying more attention to other people and less attention to yourself. Somewhat ironically, once you stop worrying about being likable, you'll have a better chance at winning other people over. First impressions are notoriously hard to shake — so if you make a solid one, you're basically set up to be likable for life.
In one study published in the journal of Social Psychological and Personality Science, researchers found that participants' evaluations of people in photographs ended up influencing their perceptions of those people even after they'd met them in real life. That said, if you do make a poor first impression, there are ways to reverse it. For example, if someone views you negatively, you can help them see your behavior in a new context.
Say you ignore an acquaintance on the street because you just had a massive fight with your partner and aren't in the mood to talk. Later you find out that the acquaintance thinks you're a jerk. You might want to get in touch with her and explain that you normally love talking to her, but you'd just finished sobbing and didn't want to embarrass yourself or her.
According to a research paper from the Ohio State University and the University of Hawaii, people can unconsciously feel the emotions of those around them. The authors of the paper say that's possibly because we naturally mimic others' movements and facial expressions, which in turn makes us feel something similar to what they're feeling. It follows then that if you're generally upbeat and enthusiastic, other people will feel the same when you're around. Science suggests that revealing you aren't perfect can make you seem more relatable and vulnerable toward the people around you.
Researcher Elliot Aronson at the University of Texas, Austin first discovered this phenomenon when he studied how simple mistakes can affect perceived attraction. He asked male students from the University of Minnesota to listen to tape recordings of people taking a quiz. When people did well on the quiz but spilled coffee at the end of the interview, the students rated them higher on likability than when they did well on the quiz and didn't spill coffee or didn't do well on the quiz and spilled coffee.
In other words, you have to reveal that you're competent before making a mistake — otherwise you'll just seem silly. Harvard researchers discovered that talking about yourself may be inherently rewarding, the same way that food, money, and sex are. In one study, the researchers had participants sit in an fMRI machine and respond to questions about either their own opinions or someone else's.
Participants had been asked to bring a friend or family member to the experiment, who was sitting outside the fMRI machine. In some cases, participants were told that their responses would be shared with the friend or relative; in other cases, their responses would be kept private. Results showed that the brain regions associated with motivation and reward were most active when participants were sharing information publicly — but also were active when they were talking about themselves without anyone listening.
If you're able to find the funny in any situation, you're probably well-liked by your friends and colleagues. Research from Illinois State University and California State University at Los Angeles found that, regardless of whether people were thinking about their ideal friend or romantic partner, a sense of humor was really important. Another study from researchers at DePaul University and Illinois State University found that using humor when you're first getting to know someone can make the person like you more.
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